Is he a couch potato? That surely happens and this partner usually ends up deeply troubled. However, it is important to remember that that partner knows more or less from the start who he or she is dealing with. I have never dated anyone I would describe as a jerk but one of my exes, who by the way is still a very good friend, was very openly non-committal.
He was very clear about it from the start and he was very clear about it with his subsequent girlfriends too. Fair thing. The misjudgment is on their side. I was with another guy whom I admired for his work-ethic and talents but not really for his general lifestyle and personality. My problem and my mistake, not his. I am not a jerk really, I am a good girl:- , but I certainly used to fall very much into the deeply troubled person category.
The extremely unstable family environment that I grew up in left me with extreme rejection and abandonment issues. These issues would, obviously, flare up massively in relationships. I knew that I had issues and all of my exes knew that I had issues. I liked to compartmentalise it and not think about my problems when I was in a stable state but the problems would become obvious very early on in every relationship.
The pattern of my behaviour would be consistent. Again, the keyword would be consistency. After a certain period of drama and upheaval during which either one or both parties might feel some rather negative feelings towards the other party, the emotions would subside.
Hopefully, after a period of either conscious or unconscious contemplation and recovery, the ex-partners would still acknowledge what they liked or loved about the other person, they would understand their incompatibility, they would understand the hurt that they caused or which was caused to them.
The relationship might continue as some form of friendship or might not. The key point that there will be clarity and peace. The person that is recovering from a break up with a jerk generally has to focus on their inner work and heal their codependency. Understand that they may have fallen in love with a projection.
They may have projected onto the jerk ex-partner qualities, which the jerk either did not possess at all or did not really nurture. The keywords here are what I have previously described as psychic rape and a complete fraud.
Here, we really need to talk about a victim and not a rejected partner who mistakenly invested in a wrong relationship. The hallmark of the narcissistic mind-fuckery is the absolute lack of personality consistency. The story changes so much it feels like a plot from a bad film.
In the early stages of the relationship, the narcissist would be as committed as it gets, as serious as it gets, as caring as it gets, as awesome as it gets. He will have the noblest interests, very identical to those of the victim, and generally present as the highest quality relationship material too good to be true after closer evaluation. Pretense can only be maintained for a certain time.
After the love-bombing, or pedestal phase, comes the devaluation and eventual discard. He has to persuade her and everyone around that indeed, he is the normal one and she is crazy.
He has to paint himself as superior and more mature. The twist is so unexpected that the victim goes through a severe traumatic shock, suffers from cognitive dissonance and simply cannot comprehend the situation with her normal human compass. As long as she keeps trying to make sense of the situation in the framework of the normal human existence, she keeps digging a deeper and deeper hole for herself. She still has a deep attachment to the memory of the person the narcissist used to pretend he was.
To reconcile the awesome fake persona and the real personality of the narcissist is extremely difficult and takes a lot of time. The narcissist, to justify for himself his outrageous treatment of the victim has to essentially rewrite history. He obviously no longer has the qualities and interests he pretended to have to lure the victim.
He has to negate all the professions of love and respect he had made previously, the match made in heaven jargon he used to use abundantly and make it sound as if the victim misunderstood his commitment to the relationship from the start. Where the regular jerk would have been non-committal from the start, the narcissist deliberately manipulates the victim only to cruelly toss her on the garbage dump once he is done with her.
The narcissist really does rewrite the history. Depending on how you use the word pulling, you could also use appealing, powering, influencing, drawing, wrenching, twitching, or tweaking. So the recipients body has less chance of rejecting it.
The word 'rejecting' is a gerund, a verbal noun; the present participle of the verb to reject rejects, rejecting, rejected. Nothing, How do you know it's rejecting? I had the same problem,it endedup being the spark plug wires. The film Annie is a tear-jerking story about an orphan.
The word rejecting is a verb. It is the present participle of the verb "reject". Log in. See Answer. Best Answer.
Study guides. Q: Is jerking the same thing as rejecting? Write your answer Related questions. Whats the difference between jerking and rejecting? What is lurking? Is jerking the same as rewinding?
What is wrong with your vehicle when its jerking? What is jerking? How did tom hardy get his chin scar? Is there jerking as a form of dancing? What causes jerking motions and a metal flapping sound in a Honda Civic that has had fuel injector cleaner applied? Who invented the dance called Jerking? What does the term jerkin mean?
They gain excitement from their different admirers competing for their attention. Others, however, obscure the truth deliberately to get what they want in the immediate moment for example, using someone for sex while pretending they want something more.
On the other hand, malignant narcissists on the high end of the narcissistic spectrum gain pleasure from taking people down. Research has shown that those who are high in dark triad traits such as narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism actually take pleasure in seeing sad faces. It all feeds into their grandiose sense of power and superiority. According to researchers Wai and Tiliopoulos :. Like sadistic puppeteers, they enjoy pulling the strings of their loved ones and warping their reality.
For example, an emotionally unavailable person who is still in the midst of heartbreak may be so enthusiastic about finding someone else after a break-up that they overestimate their interest. Malignant narcissists, on the other hand, idealize and love-bomb their victims deliberately to groom, manipulate, and control them.
They feed their victims empty flattery and excessive praise at the onset to ensure that their victims trust them. They are the types that will declare their love for you within the early stages of dating. Once their victims are sufficiently hooked, they take great pride in devaluing their victims and mistreating them, subjecting them to put-downs, rage attacks, gaslighting , verbal, emotional, and sometimes even physical abuse.
They also eventually discard their victims in horrific ways — that is, unless their victims discard them first , in which case, it becomes an elaborate power struggle to hoover them back in so they can devalue them further. The cruelty of the discard is staged in such a way that it is used to diminish the victim completely.
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